Its been months since my friend D has been serviced (Almost 24 months to be exact). Any longer and her pussy would be crying out loud for overhaul !! I reminded her about the severity of her draught (KEMARAU) situation when she spoke of a seemingly interested male prospect.
My dear friend did nothing but confronted her thoughts of endless possibilities of "IT" NOT happening. Despite her inhibitions, I do recall advising her to get a pack of magnums - just in case. D still insisted that in a 'no emergency situation' there was 'no need' for rubber.
I even joked about the size of her prospect's "banana" & that I should be informed of any incidences of "rain". In this case, politely referred to as "fruit juice". Despite being pessimistic, D rang me the next morning to share some juicy information.
Apparently, her old daring self had re-surfaced (after 24 dormant mths). She was caught in a tight situation. Mr Prospect was gonna catch an early morning flight the very next day. They had dinner & she swore there were sparks flying across the dining table but still, nothing physical happened after. She had but one last chance to seal the deal & change her "weather forecast" or remain in "dry spirit" for endless time.
So sacrificing herself on the altar of dignity, D confessed her "lust" for Mr Prospect. Though I'm very sure she would have confused him with "love". Unfortunately for D, her dude was already attached & was adamant on remaining "faithfull" as he didn't wanna break a "promise".
Confused & feeling hurt, D could barely sleep that night thinking about her burning desire for him. She was after all was one very strong-headed girl who didn't accept rejection well. So the next morning, at 7am she gave it one last try - a simple phone call @ Saved by the Bell.
At his place, they locked lips. It seemed that Mr Prospect too had this burning passion for D. "The Promise" was his biggest obstacle. D knew that there had to be more 'climax' ahead than just french kissing. While kissing on the couch (in the hall), D complained that it was rather cramped & that they should get more "comfortable" on his bed.
He on the other hand was worried about keeping his "promise". If you were wondering what this 'Great' promise is all about. Oh well, he promised his beau then that he wouldn't have sex with anyone else while he was on holiday.
So D assured him that nothing would happen. She only wanted to kiss. So they proceeded from couch to "bed". Being an opportunist, D had her "way" of keeping to her side of her promise. She only "kissed" him but her "lip service" moved downside from his lips to his nipples, then to his navel & his upper groin. Then as she unbuckled his belt, looking at his agonized face she said: "I only wanted to kiss. Now would u like a blowjob?" Any sane male would have given "YES" for an answer. And then she laid her condition: "After me".
Hence, D got her vagina "Serviced" and Mr Prospect was a happy man. They both "came" & went. D hurried off to work after & Mr Prospect rushed to catch his flight. Its like a M'sian version of "Leaving on a Jetplane", but for real.
My friend D even had the cheek to text him later saying that she could still "taste" him in her mouth.
Oh well, she got what she wanted in the end. Everything but his "heart".
And a "promise" remains a "promise".
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
The Tampon Era
My girlfriend uses sanitary pads. Now, how stone-aged could that be? Be made aware that there are many obstinate women out there who still prefer their caves padded.
Now, could the usage of tampons define a girl's virginity or vice-versa? I'm in doubt. Then and again, my girlfriend would probably have had larger sized penetrations in comparison to a super-sized tampon.
D, a virgin friend of mine has sworn her life on tampons. She teaches yoga.
The irony of pads:
"A virgin who uses tampons and enjoys exercise" versus:
"The girlfriend (Virgin-X) who'd rather use pads and enjoys sexercise".
Is it possible that we (M'sian) women are being judged according to our drugstore purchases?
Eg; Kotex / Whisper = Virgin
O.B. / Playtex = EX-Virgin
And even if we were; would it really make us any more/less respectable?
Or, is this a trivial attempt to "re-virginize" ourselves? Now, who are we trying to kid...
Tampons are by far, one of the best creations by mankind, ever.
Its about freedom of expression. Confidence. And no worrying about leaks.
Hence, a girl can insert as many tampons as she wishes into her pussy in her lifetime without having to worry about being labelled a slut. (This, in contrary to the loyal pad user who sleeps around and has had a colorful array of dicks)
I remember my first tampax when I was 15 and I haven't turned back ever since...
Now, could the usage of tampons define a girl's virginity or vice-versa? I'm in doubt. Then and again, my girlfriend would probably have had larger sized penetrations in comparison to a super-sized tampon.
D, a virgin friend of mine has sworn her life on tampons. She teaches yoga.
The irony of pads:
"A virgin who uses tampons and enjoys exercise" versus:
"The girlfriend (Virgin-X) who'd rather use pads and enjoys sexercise".
Is it possible that we (M'sian) women are being judged according to our drugstore purchases?
Eg; Kotex / Whisper = Virgin
O.B. / Playtex = EX-Virgin
And even if we were; would it really make us any more/less respectable?
Or, is this a trivial attempt to "re-virginize" ourselves? Now, who are we trying to kid...
Tampons are by far, one of the best creations by mankind, ever.
Its about freedom of expression. Confidence. And no worrying about leaks.
Hence, a girl can insert as many tampons as she wishes into her pussy in her lifetime without having to worry about being labelled a slut. (This, in contrary to the loyal pad user who sleeps around and has had a colorful array of dicks)
I remember my first tampax when I was 15 and I haven't turned back ever since...
SEX
In today's generation, sex is supposedly an open topic. There was a time when talking about sex was very much taboo. Malaysian females in general still fear of being labelled. So yes, many of us do talk openly about sex but not self-admittingly.
Why? Again, the gender bias.
Men f**k around and TALK a whole lot of COCK about their bedroom achievements. (Just as if they'd been awarded a trophy for every woman they successfully slept with)
Women on the other hand prefer to keep mum or just talk less. They'd likely to be crowned "slut" other wise. If society got to know that is. And how the hell would such information leak have happened if the female didn't tell? Obviously someone wasn't very good at kept HIS big mouth shut!!
And a lot of men shallowly thrive on the numbers; attempting in vain to out-do the 'fictitious' achievements of their peers. As incompetence is relatively unacceptable among the male gender, these specimens try very hard to live by the motto: "the more the merrier" Pressured to outnumber, many choose the "+ plus equation". Commonly adding a bogus 3 to the actual figure.
Women prefer to keep low profile & tend to opt for the "- minus equation".
See 5 minus 3 equals 2. Sound good? Now what about 3 minus 3. Total = 0 (virgin)? Sound ridiculous?
That's somewhat evidence that in methematics; men score better at addition & women at subtraction.
Now, that's just elementary maths. Rest assured that some overly-ambitious jokers who fancy double-digits are prone to exist. (aptly known as advanced level cock talkers)
There still is much room for improvement. After all, Malaysia is a developing country. Who knows, maybe one fine day we'll be as open as the Brits. There is a saying that goes, "If COCK can talk, then PUSSY can sing!!". Now how about that for a change...
Why? Again, the gender bias.
Men f**k around and TALK a whole lot of COCK about their bedroom achievements. (Just as if they'd been awarded a trophy for every woman they successfully slept with)
Women on the other hand prefer to keep mum or just talk less. They'd likely to be crowned "slut" other wise. If society got to know that is. And how the hell would such information leak have happened if the female didn't tell? Obviously someone wasn't very good at kept HIS big mouth shut!!
And a lot of men shallowly thrive on the numbers; attempting in vain to out-do the 'fictitious' achievements of their peers. As incompetence is relatively unacceptable among the male gender, these specimens try very hard to live by the motto: "the more the merrier" Pressured to outnumber, many choose the "+ plus equation". Commonly adding a bogus 3 to the actual figure.
Women prefer to keep low profile & tend to opt for the "- minus equation".
See 5 minus 3 equals 2. Sound good? Now what about 3 minus 3. Total = 0 (virgin)? Sound ridiculous?
That's somewhat evidence that in methematics; men score better at addition & women at subtraction.
Now, that's just elementary maths. Rest assured that some overly-ambitious jokers who fancy double-digits are prone to exist. (aptly known as advanced level cock talkers)
There still is much room for improvement. After all, Malaysia is a developing country. Who knows, maybe one fine day we'll be as open as the Brits. There is a saying that goes, "If COCK can talk, then PUSSY can sing!!". Now how about that for a change...
Twenty - SEXth (26) Birthday
Sept 8, a day to remember: My girlfriend, Sag turned 26.
We celebrated her birthday over dinner in a nice cosy Punjabi restaurant. Many from Bangsar's Indian community frequent this place. Bumping into an Indian relative or friend comes as a mere common co-incidence.
Birthday Gifts: "The Enlightened Sex Manual" - Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover. (CD included with guided exercises) & Lacy Lingerie.
It was amusing to see how her gifts got her boyfriend more excited than her.Her boyfriend bought her a sexy 2 piece & cleverly sent it to my address. This move avoided any possible misunderstandings arising from either party's parents.
Gift 1
The parcel was presented & opened over dinner. Sag's other half was kept busy inspecting the undergarments under bright lights in the restaurant. I gave benefit of the doubt and presumed that he was just checking for defects.
Gift 2
This book got my pal's boyfriend all excited & eyes glued on the pages all night. Besides, this sex bible & the set of sexy lingerie complemented each other.
As it is Indian tradition to keep your virginity intact till marriage. Hence, we'd understand the stress related - sexual deprivation which the guy is required to tolerate. Some (women) believe that it is a test of strength and endurance on their male counterparts.
This however, can be very trying for the couple.A hint of Practical magic: Rumour has it that "orals" and "the Brazillian" have become popular swallowtions (solutions) in pursuit of maintaining well-preserved vaginas.
Here's a sexual stress related example: My cousin's husband was losing a substantial amount of hair (on his head) so they went to seek medical advise. Examination result: The GP claimed that this hair loss problem was due to "lack of sex". I'd advise my cousin sister to get a 2nd opinion.If this was the real root to the problem, then how would it relate to the jungle mass of hair down under. Unless he also suffers a receeding pubic line that is...
The wedding's still 2 months away, and I get the honour of storing her birthday gifts. Well, patience certainly has its virtues as it is known that good comes to those who wait... :)
(FYI, this is a very old entry adapted from one of my earlier blogs. Sag is now happily married & enjoys lots of sex with her husband. She has no qualms speaking publicly of her bedroom activities now that its considered "legal" in the eyes of her community. And she turns 28 come September 2009)
We celebrated her birthday over dinner in a nice cosy Punjabi restaurant. Many from Bangsar's Indian community frequent this place. Bumping into an Indian relative or friend comes as a mere common co-incidence.
Birthday Gifts: "The Enlightened Sex Manual" - Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover. (CD included with guided exercises) & Lacy Lingerie.
It was amusing to see how her gifts got her boyfriend more excited than her.Her boyfriend bought her a sexy 2 piece & cleverly sent it to my address. This move avoided any possible misunderstandings arising from either party's parents.
Gift 1
The parcel was presented & opened over dinner. Sag's other half was kept busy inspecting the undergarments under bright lights in the restaurant. I gave benefit of the doubt and presumed that he was just checking for defects.
Gift 2
This book got my pal's boyfriend all excited & eyes glued on the pages all night. Besides, this sex bible & the set of sexy lingerie complemented each other.
As it is Indian tradition to keep your virginity intact till marriage. Hence, we'd understand the stress related - sexual deprivation which the guy is required to tolerate. Some (women) believe that it is a test of strength and endurance on their male counterparts.
This however, can be very trying for the couple.A hint of Practical magic: Rumour has it that "orals" and "the Brazillian" have become popular swallowtions (solutions) in pursuit of maintaining well-preserved vaginas.
Here's a sexual stress related example: My cousin's husband was losing a substantial amount of hair (on his head) so they went to seek medical advise. Examination result: The GP claimed that this hair loss problem was due to "lack of sex". I'd advise my cousin sister to get a 2nd opinion.If this was the real root to the problem, then how would it relate to the jungle mass of hair down under. Unless he also suffers a receeding pubic line that is...
The wedding's still 2 months away, and I get the honour of storing her birthday gifts. Well, patience certainly has its virtues as it is known that good comes to those who wait... :)
(FYI, this is a very old entry adapted from one of my earlier blogs. Sag is now happily married & enjoys lots of sex with her husband. She has no qualms speaking publicly of her bedroom activities now that its considered "legal" in the eyes of her community. And she turns 28 come September 2009)
Monday, November 24, 2008
Daddy, Mommy & Uncle
This must be my most repeated story of the year 2008. Everyone who has heard it has been amused by it. Then along comes the puzzling mathematical equations.
A client of mine has a good friend who choses to live his life differently. We call him "Daddy".
As you see, under social norms, Daddy lives with Mommy & they have 2 kids so that's what you call a "family". But under daddy & mommy's social understanding, daddy has a live-in boyfriend.
This peculiar family all live together under one roof. Question is, if the kids have a daddy & a mommy, then how is daddy's boyfriend addressed as? You'd guessed right, they call him "Uncle".
To make things even more family orientated, "Daddy", "Mommy" & "Uncle" sleep in the same bedroom. Big question: How is it possible for mommy to be so understanding?
Also, it seems that daddy & uncle were already going out before daddy's marriage to mommy.
As my client suspected, uncle could be "banging" both mommy & daddy. Hence, a big question mark on whom the biological father of the children is.
Lets do some maths on some possible bedroom routine equations:
Equation 1
If uncle was banging daddy, & daddy was banging mommy, could mommy be blowing uncle?
(Oh well, that was my first guess & same went for many other's too...)
So Wrong!! Unless uncle had 2 dickheads to spare, the above is totally dismissable.
Equation 2
Uncle bangs daddy who bangs mommy who "rims" uncle.
Go figure the rest out. Enjoy the mind-boggling session :)
A client of mine has a good friend who choses to live his life differently. We call him "Daddy".
As you see, under social norms, Daddy lives with Mommy & they have 2 kids so that's what you call a "family". But under daddy & mommy's social understanding, daddy has a live-in boyfriend.
This peculiar family all live together under one roof. Question is, if the kids have a daddy & a mommy, then how is daddy's boyfriend addressed as? You'd guessed right, they call him "Uncle".
To make things even more family orientated, "Daddy", "Mommy" & "Uncle" sleep in the same bedroom. Big question: How is it possible for mommy to be so understanding?
Also, it seems that daddy & uncle were already going out before daddy's marriage to mommy.
As my client suspected, uncle could be "banging" both mommy & daddy. Hence, a big question mark on whom the biological father of the children is.
Lets do some maths on some possible bedroom routine equations:
Equation 1
If uncle was banging daddy, & daddy was banging mommy, could mommy be blowing uncle?
(Oh well, that was my first guess & same went for many other's too...)
So Wrong!! Unless uncle had 2 dickheads to spare, the above is totally dismissable.
Equation 2
Uncle bangs daddy who bangs mommy who "rims" uncle.
Go figure the rest out. Enjoy the mind-boggling session :)
Cake Cum Surprise
It never occured to me before that adult novelty cakes could cost so much. After enquiring a few commercial & home bakeries, the market price of RM 350 just put me off. But no other cake would make a better b'day surprise for my girlfriend Vivianne who is well known for her erotic sense of humor.
Vivianne & I have always bonded well over dirty jokes, needless to say her mad behavioral patterns has much similarity to my dirty-minded personality. Yes, I have met my match & developed a wonderful friendship. And a good friend well deserves a good "Cake Cum Surprise" on her Birthday.
Besides, it would be a shame not to put my baking skills to good use. And, it would be so typically me (unsurprisingly) to bake a magnificent cock cake. As not to let down anyone who may have had even the slightest idea of me doing it, I went ahead with Project "Kukuciau".
I swear, this is my 1st achievement of such sort. Seriously, I do not have any form of professional training. Not even with cake baking. With a lil research online & some youtube-ing, I reached some form of cock-cake enlightenment.
The 6 hour task was all worth it. I made the whole cake from scratch.
To avoid having 2 cakes on her b'day, I told Vivianne that I was baking her a nice "chocolate" cake. She had the idea that I was baking a chocolate cake but no idea of it was gonna be in a shape of a cock! And yes, she was definitely in for a shock!
The end result? Check the pics out & judge for urselves!
It really turned out to be a "Cake Cum Surprise" or literally so...
Vivianne & I have always bonded well over dirty jokes, needless to say her mad behavioral patterns has much similarity to my dirty-minded personality. Yes, I have met my match & developed a wonderful friendship. And a good friend well deserves a good "Cake Cum Surprise" on her Birthday.
Besides, it would be a shame not to put my baking skills to good use. And, it would be so typically me (unsurprisingly) to bake a magnificent cock cake. As not to let down anyone who may have had even the slightest idea of me doing it, I went ahead with Project "Kukuciau".
I swear, this is my 1st achievement of such sort. Seriously, I do not have any form of professional training. Not even with cake baking. With a lil research online & some youtube-ing, I reached some form of cock-cake enlightenment.
The 6 hour task was all worth it. I made the whole cake from scratch.
To avoid having 2 cakes on her b'day, I told Vivianne that I was baking her a nice "chocolate" cake. She had the idea that I was baking a chocolate cake but no idea of it was gonna be in a shape of a cock! And yes, she was definitely in for a shock!
The end result? Check the pics out & judge for urselves!
It really turned out to be a "Cake Cum Surprise" or literally so...
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